I’m human.

HaeggnerKarl_shot2_ParanoiaagentI know this may come as a revelation to you, but it shouldn’t. I’m not perfect. Try as I might, I’m not always able to control my temper or my mood. I am well-versed in the school of advanced neuroses, to the extent that I’m perfectly capable of inventing wild scenarios why you haven’t made contact at the time when a. i wanted you to or b. it seemed that you were available (for which the irrational subtext is  to everyone else in the world but me goddamit).

Emotions are a bastard. Sure, it’sparanoia-792 great when everything is on the up, and your hormones are doing the happy dance. That euphoric feeling of connection, the swelling of your heart with joy, the stars that magically appear in your eyes when he looks deep into them and then kisses you until your head spins and you lose sensation in your feet… ain’t nothing better. But from the high, so we also sink to the low — and the higher you were, the lower you fall.

Be sure to check your shoulders for detritus, most notably, that evil asshole, Captain Paranoia. paranoia_by_magvw-d62nurbThat evil, twisted fucker is only out to make you squirm uncomfortably and make a fool of yourself. When you doubt, he smiles. When you think the worst, he rejoices. When you feel envy and jealousy cloud your better judgment and knowledge, he does a fucking happy dance.

The antidote? Well, a return to reality and maturity, for starters. Deep breaths and count to ten. No one will say something adorable to you and then consider ending things no less than ten minutes later. Try and remember that the rollercoaster ride is in your head, and the reality, difficult enough though it is to envisage through a mist of poisoned thought, is far more simple, straightforward and infinitely more positive.


Take it from me, the original neurotic. Fo’ shizzle.


2 thoughts on “Rollercoaster

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