Sweetie, let me make this easy for you.
I think what you wanted to do was have your cake and eat it, and when it seemed that you could do that you were happy and sweet and charming, and you behaved accordingly. And then you realised that your lifestyle is suited to the occasional one-off rather than anything bigger or more intense — which is entirely your prerogative — so the idea waned on you.
People do what they want to do, rarely are motives altruistic.
The thing that really hurt me and made me so disappointed in you was your complete lack of transparency with me. Or to put it another way, I’m still in shock that the big strong man who for all I know has taken a bullet in the ass for one dignitary or another, was too intimidated by a short blonde English chick to say “Look, I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”
By abandoning all communications, you voted with your feet. It was cowardly and hurtful, and completely unnecessary — and you know it.
What we had was something unique. I know it and so do you. Trying to keep it going in the face of everything else that you’re dealing with was probably a mistake, and I take full responsibility for my part in that. But ignoring me — and I’m specifically referring to the last couple of days since we spoke, as well as the two weeks prior to that — was not OK. Not at all.
I know you said that the infatuation that engulfed us made you feel 17, it did me too, but i did not expect you to act as though you really were 17.
You paid a lot of lip service to the whole “I don’t want to hurt you” thing. Well, guess what? You did. You didn’t have to, but you did.
It was lovely… and then it wasn’t. But when it was, it was very special, and I only wish you the best.